It occurred to me in words that we are all just growing into ourselves, supported by a magnificent field of Grace. All I ever had to do was be open to receiving it.
A few weeks ago I had the honor of holding space for two people I love dearly, who are falling in love.
Breaking all the rules of “professional conduct” I asked one to invite the other into our session and when they came, we sat together for a while, listening, seeing, loving…in that profound simplicity, not many words were needed and neither was I anymore. So I declared our session over and went for a walk, filled by love, becoming it…
I walked on the open roads in the countryside, hands held out like a beggar and all I could say over and over, like a poem, like a prayer was “Thank you God. Thank you God. Thank you God. Thank you God. Thank you God…”
It was there when I came home. It was there when I picked up my paintbrush, when I was facilitating…I even went into meditation retreat ready to receive any beatings necessary to tame my spiritual pride, and what melted it instead again, was love.
Feeling the enormity of Grace- love and wisdom ready to pour into me, filled my heart and again what was left was just this: “Thank you God. Thank you God. Thank you God. Thank you God. Thank you God…”
And I can feel that phrase weaving itself through the fabric of my being. I can’t even pretend not to see how much resource is available to me in every moment. I cry seeing the times I hid it from myself. Even in the midst of pain.
…sometimes I sing it. Mostly I cry it. “Thank you God. Thank you God. Thank you God. Thank you God. Thank you God…”
In my early Come to Center days, as I was still learning to own, share and make transaction for my gifts, I spoke with a Sufi about desire, nakedness and vulnerability…about showing up in partnership with Life. Before we parted, he asked me to let myself be seen and go make a video, which I will share with you in my next post.
Our conversation was a gift to my soul. I share an excerpt of it with your heart now as a gift and an invitation.
“This is important,” he said. “Your desire is really intelligence.
There’s the hungry soul state, the free state and the naked state. The hungry soul way of getting what you want, is desperate- stealing the pie. You see the glass is always half empty, and the universe agrees. In the free state you say, I’m ok here, I don’t need any pie, and the universe agrees. You’re numb, and one day you’re walking dead.”
“You’ve been a renunciate and a sacrificial humanitarian, here and before. You say you don’t need anything, so no one can give it to you. But the thing is, it takes great humility to pay your bills, to ask for money, to say this is how I make my living- to ask for what you need.” And he held my hand as I started to cry.
“Getting naked is where it’s at, you see…full nakedness!
Every day, you need something! And (you ask, and) the universe then starts filling you up…it’s really about being defenseless. Try to continue to ask for what you want, and give people a chance to love you for who you are, you see…letting them see you in your need, asking for what you want- vulnerability- one of the most important human traits…how Gandhi defeated an empire…that’s the nature of vulnerability… if you tell me how you’re feeling, I get to experience the power and beauty of your thought and emotion.
So you’re weaving the basket with one hand and the Universe weaves the other. It’s never been about perfection, it was just about authenticity.
If you make yourself real, God will make you real. If you make God real, God will make you real.”
I did. I still am. Bit by bit. I learned to show up, sometimes trembling, and stand in humility- soft belly, feet planted, heart racing, palms open. I learned to muster up the courage to discover and then ask for what I want, to say no, to be seen in my power and my vulnerability- which it turns out, are the same thing.
This making yourself and God real, isn’t easy! But it is what we have come here to do in our unique ways. This weaving the basket with the universe isn’t an abstraction- it is lived in every aspect of how we are!
And, so much friction eases when turn towards our Sorcerer’s task, knowing who we are, how life works and claim our right place in the Everything. That’s what this path is about, as is Murmurations.
Come weave your basket in partnership with the Universe. Let yourself be seen, be known…by yourself and those around you. Cultivate your inner teacher, healer and sage, that they may fuel how you touch the whole world.
This 6 month immersive alongside masterful guides is a place to awaken, heal, embody and align with purpose with a community supporting you!
And I mean a real community (not just a group of people), where we share our truths, our hearts, our highs and lows of life honestly in shared purpose- to heal and embody our deepest intentions, serving something bigger than ourselves.
A combination of somatics, energetics, relational dynamics, emotional fluidity and awareness based practices coalesce to help people complete the cycles they are in and move into the next level of healing.
You can expect powerful transformation in a relatively short amount of time, in ways that are aligned and attuned to your unique needs.
As of now there are 4 spots open. A mature group is forming, so we can go deeper faster- they’re ready to dive not just into personal healing, but also integrating the relational and spiritual facets of being, while aligning their doing in the world from their new baseline consciousness.
In my morning session today a beautiful client and I laughed for a good 10 minutes as she saw how she was playing the game of life, trying so hard to hide the Big Big Love she actually is!
Who did she think she’s fooling? I asked. And she pointed to herself. We laughed some more.
As she saw herself as this Ocean of Love, there was nothing left outside of it.
She, me, we, her stories, ideas, beliefs, emotions – all melted into boundless, all encompassing Big Love. And there was nothing left but tears of joy, the sweet mourning of that forgetting, that hiding…
We convince ourselves no one sees the love that we are, but it can’t be hidden. Mostly, we’re hiding it from ourselves.
What if for this one moment, as you read my words, you let this ocean of love that has been wanting to pour through you out into the Everything actually pour out?
You showed up in the world one ball of innocence- loving everything you met. As a child you knew this- you were here to love and be loved. It was simple. It was easy to offer your heart and receive love into it.
So now again, come back to the simplicity of that knowing.
Let yourself BE love.
Maybe for just this moment. Maybe for another minute…maybe for this whole day, maybe just this weekend or this year…this lifetime!
Especially when it feels vulnerable – when you are afraid you’ll lose connection for showing up as it- like writing this email for me, it will feel so essential and so vulnerable…
Come! Let it melt you. Over and over.
Big Love meets Big Love.
You, Big Love, go to the grocery store and feel the Big Love bagging your groceries for you. You walk to the post office and meet Big Love in the line and there it is again, mailing your letters. You come home and there it is again- Big Love pouring out, disguised as your children, your partner, your parents, your friend…what else was ever there?
All around you. It’s hard not to feel it!
It can be that simple.
To let it be that simple is the most courageous choice we can make- turning towards what you already are- so much love it’ll break your heart and fill it. Over and over again.
It is humbling- it cracks us open exactly where the light needs to get in. It is the last doorway to homecoming, fulfillment.
Especially when we find ourselves in a bardo, as the Tibetans call it- that voidness between what was and what is yet to come.
Here we meet the tug of our cumulated past, our ideas, fears, our attachments, our compulsions. We continue striving for the impossible, perpetuating our own suffering, and that of others. We yield to fear and indulge our pain. We give ourselves up for an imagined reward, and it hurts.
Faced with the real threat of dissolution, and yes, even renewal, it is tempting to collapse, strive, fight, avoid, indulge- employ familiar safety strategies to innocently re-create the false safety that eventually must and will crumble.
Yesterday’s new moon was a soft punctuation on the completion of a death process for me. After a deep swim in the void, mourning the death of ideas and ideals, humbled and changed, I can feel newness coming alive within me, exacting re-commitment, expanding response ability.
But only after a full blown teenage rebellion,did I find it- a deeper commitment to the Divine.
Saying yes again to putting both feet into the river of Life. Because, as my friend Joann said, “you can’t find your yes until you allow your no.” And as Maya Luna says in Becoming Kali (the call of this moment) below, “our pain is the portal to our power.”
Crying on my knees, I bowed down, offering all the pieces of the Pie of my Life to God – literally, and metaphorically. I am here to do the needful- what is asked of me, and I bring my own wants to the negotiating table.
Now again, there is peace. And an amused curiosity. I am watching the subtle expansion afoot, I am listening for where and how the pieces fall.
And I suspect I’m not alone in emerging from a death cycle…creation, existence, dissolution and rebirth are not just markers of life cycles, they accompany us through phases of our evolution, all while still alive. It’s happening now in and around us. So when you examine your life-
What wants to end? What is beginning?
What do you know needs to go, that you don’t want to let go of?
Can you be with what remains? Can you listen to the emergent?
Join us for the FREE September Community Call – RELEASE + REBIRTHonSeptember 20th, 7pm EST to examine these questions together, as we ready to usher in the shifts calling us.
As the Equinox tilts us into the Fall, you will be right on time to join the new cohort of MURMURATIONS– a transformational community walking towards truth, love and power, together. The group opens Sept 21, our first gathering will be on Oct 5.
In this unique and rejuvenating process we mine group intelligence, celebrating our light and integrating our shadows to end what needs to end, and welcome in what wants to be made through each and all of us, in a flock of spiritual warriors with shared values.
There are spaces and scholarships open- all you need to apply is resonance and a commitment to your own transformation.
If you want to know power, and use it aligned with Life itself, explore my invitation, and follow the call.
Self to Self, Power to Power, Ishita
BECOMING KALI by Maya Luna
You want to know power? Stop spitting out your food and eat. Behold the banquet of density. Eat the chaos. Be infused by the force that birthed this world into existence Eat your struggle. Let it brand you with the unbound freedom of fire. Eat your exhaustion. Let it sand down the jagged edges of your striving. Eat your losses. Let them open you into the clarity of empty space. Eat your regrets. Let them infuse you with the blessing of unnameable perfection. Eat death. Let it scatter into ashes on fertile ground. Eat your wound. Let it fill you with the marrow of unconditional kindness. Eat your madness. Let it explode you into the breathless beauty of stars. Eat your limitations. Let them press you into a radiant diamond. Eat your hurt. Eat your devastation. Eat your unbearable heartbreak. Swallow these poisons into the great heart. Bear down and birth your own deathless body. Your pain is the portal to power.
Kali Kali Maha Kali – the dark one, she who seeds dissolution of all that is false.
I had the privilege of dancing Oak Dance last weekend, my first step into Native American ceremonial space. It was time. I am American now.
Dancing to the Tree of Life to bring Light down into the earth for collective liberation. Dancing to celebrate Life, release and renew Self…While the core group danced in person, many of us were remote- satellites from our own lands.
Like every initiation, it was intense. And in the intensity, emerged revelation. It was a lovely experience and a chance to see my protection patterns in full swing!
I started out trying to do it right, by all the rules, dance in perfect sync with the group etc. rather than listening to and trusting what felt good and right to me was enough!
Much Tightness to start!
And then as I relaxed and surrendered.
To the ancient voices singing to the drum, to myself, my inner rhythm, to what is, to the intention rather than the form- there were deep openings.
I felt the field come alive.
As I danced my intention into being, I saw the late Lakota Chief, Ascended Master, holder of the light- Frank Fools crow’s face pop up in my mind.
Everything went silent. I just cried and danced with abandon in that meeting for a while.
There are some beings who do that to me…Thich Naht Hanh, Paramhansa Yogananda…just the slightest brush with their field silences everything superfluous.
I return home.
And crying, dancing in the sound and the silence, I realized why they say not to take the lord’s name in vain…the power and grace of simple invocation is real. It was beautiful.
I felt the force of everyone dancing our collective intentions into being around this country.
Know that a group of souls danced for YOU. Prayers for your highest good have been imbued in the air you breath…the breath of Life.
It was palpable and profound.
You see, no prayer is ever wasted- every prayer changes us and when we change, so does our world.
Maybe you have felt it too- the power of shared intention. Of community with healing purpose!
How lovely to be weaving sacred space into my every day. I feel blessed to give and receive the work that flows through me.
As we closed, I saw myself descend down into physical reality after three days in dreamtime!
I felt much gratitude for who I am, who I’m with, what we have done, and how we do it.
I am unmistakably different. That’s transformation.
What a gift! What a blessing!
And there is so much to grow into. The power of my intention is weaving the dream for me to step into. The Everything is listening.
Big breath in. Big breath out.
Thank you. More please!
PS: IF you are interested in self-transformation in a powerful loving community, join us in the next Murmurations cohort starting July! More info below:
Metamorphosis is all around you.
This is not a time to hold back, it’s the time you’ve been readying for. Your life situation is the catalyst, your desire the compass, and Truth your guide.
Join this transformational community to dive beneath the surface and heal disconnects that keep you stuck, separate and suffering.
Heal inner division to embody vibrant wholeness. Release your past to answer the call of a creative future. Connect with heart, purpose and a community of care. Learn how life actually works, and use it to fuel your evolution. Take your rightful place in the expansion of collective consciousness.
We know listening is key to healing conflict, yet we seldom know where or how to begin.
In this experiential live online session I led for the global Truth and Reconciliation Weekend, we explored listening through questions like:
How can listening catalyze healing between and within us? How can we listen to those we disagree with? How can we connect beyond our ideas of eachother, beyond right and wrong, good and bad, us Vs. them thinking?
This is a recording of a session facilitated by Ishita where we will experiment with a way of being in relation to each other and ourselves that deepens presence, authentic connection and heals division.
Bring your curiosity and the willingness to see and be seen to each exercise.
As you follow the recording, turn the questions being explored onto yourself and notice what you discover.
If you are moved by the session and wish to continue diving deeper, I hope you’ll join me and a group of peers committed to bettering the world.
The world is begging us to show up fully for ourselves and each other from a place of love.
And I know that fire is the element of transformation- the cycle of initiation, purification, becoming…this is a becoming that necessitates the burning away of all that is false- inside and around us.
Between a peaking global pandemic, uprisings and protests for basic human rights and dignity and political mayhem, the past fortnight has truly tested us all!
I hope you are simultaneously safe and stirred to the core in the very best of ways because a new reality is pouring into this planet rapidly and calling us to take our place in it in a whole new way. Somedays it has felt to me like drinking right from a firehose!
They say hindsight is 2020, and 2020 is here. What you want to see when you look back at today, is begging be seeded now. The call to alignment has never been louder!
This stirring is not punitive, but rather an invitation into embodied wholeness.
If you’ve been denying your truth, hiding in the shadows with a dream in your heart, stifling your voice, waiting for someday to live your purpose, I want you to ask yourself: what are you waiting for? If not now, when? If not you, who?
I know the path is uncertain and scary- I’ve walked through this fire myself before, leaving familiarity, safety and comfort to heed an inner calling. So I also know, that every time we step in through the fire, committed to living nothing less than the life we came here to live, when we dare to welcome truth over comfort, courage over fear, we are supported in unimaginable ways that bring us into a state of grace.
Our planet needs your unique medicine in ways only YOU can bring! In ways that make you come alive!
Are you willing to let the false burn away and embody your truth? In your very ways of being and doing?
The world just opened a direct path to your innermost calling. Come claim your rightful place in it. Align!
In this radical time, feeling is not just healing, it is also the doorway to inspired, aligned action. Remember, there is no transformation without embrace- within and between us.
If you haven’t worked with me privately, you may be amazed at how impactful and powerful these re-sets can be. 15 minutes of attuned presence can transform lifetimes of pain.
This work is for you if you want to live a fulfilling, vibrant and authentic life.
If your heart is also on fire, join me. Whether you want to offer the world your unique medicine, express your authentic voice or need support to heal and release emotional, relational and spiritual roadblocks, our work together will help you realize your deepest longings.
“ That’s my fiercest hope – is that we come back to the natural intelligence that flows through us, instead of constantly negating it. It’s surrendering to the impulse that is the driving force of life. That’s the impulse of creation coming through you!
What could be more natural? What else could bring fulfillment? “
I had a colorful conversation on my soulful colleague Andy Cahill’s podcast, the Wonder Dome last August. He asked me what my fiercest hope for humanity is- a beautiful question he poses to each of his guests.
I realized my fiercest hope for humanity lives in you. It breathes in the way you and I show up in the world, and in these catalytic times, our way of being is more important than ever.
In this intimate conversation we talked about being human and whole, and the juicy possibility that emerges when we come together as one- in service of a world that consciously and lovingly includes and transcends all its parts.
If you’ve been in one of my group courses you know this place of possibility, and if you haven’t, I hope you’ll join me. The world is begging us to show up fully for ourselves and eachother.
You can meet me in all my colors if you listen in!